hard goodbye

This post is a hard one for me. I have been writing and deleting and writing and deleting over and over again. I can hardly believe that just little over a week ago I was back in Colorado, surrounded by loved ones and family and just overwhelmed with countless emotions. I wished in all my heart that it was for happier reasons; a wedding, a reunion, or fun little gathering but sadly it wasn't any of those.

My sweet and wonderful and absolutely caring grandpa passed away.

I know that as we grow with age and the time quickly passes us by that we will eventually have to say goodbye to our sweet loved ones. It's part of life and it happens. But this one was hard. So very hard.

As I sit here writing this, I am once again overwhelmed with the emotions of his passing. It's hard to find the right words. It's a delicate subject but no less it happened. It is real.

My truly amazing and kind grandpa chose to leave this world on his own. Actually, I honestly believe the disease of dementia is what truly took his life, not my grandpa. And although it is hard and there are so many many questions, I know that my beautiful grandpa is peacefully happy up in heaven with our heavenly father. I know this, I feel his presence and comfort around me.

I had just saw my grandpa a week before this all happened. The kids and my parents drove up to their small town north of Greeley. We had a nice lunch and watched the kids play at the park. I didn't get to spend a whole lot of time with him as I was chasing four little people around, but that small time that we had together was good. I saw him smile. I heard him laugh.  It's a good memory to have.

I was extremely thankful that I was able to get up at his funeral and share some of my love for my grandpa to both him and my family. Speaking about him definitely helped give me the closure I truly needed. 

"Saying goodbye to grandpa is really hard for me. I wasn't quite ready to let him go just yet. But I am thankful. Thankful for the time I did get to share with him. Thankful for the time my children my had with him. I am thankful because my grandpa was truly a wonderful and kind man. And even though my heart aches at the thought that he is really gone, I am so thankful for the love we got to share together. 

Grandpa Gregory was truly one of the best grandpas in the world and I am so glad that he was mine. That he loved me so much and left me with some of the best memories in the world. Growing up, fishing with grandpa were some of my most favorite childhood memories. I can still remember all of the specific details from these trips. From loading up in the old brown jeep, to driving for what felt like hours to his favorite lake. We would find that perfect spot along the water's edge and load up on some power bait. I remember it all. The sounds, the smells, the way he would say "now Kristin, you have a bite!' Man those were some great times. 

Grandpa definitely gave me my love for all things outdoors. And although fishing is definitely a big memory, I will never forget those camping trips up at Red Feather, or our long drives through the mountains looking for deer and elk. Grandpa really did give me some of my most favorite memories and I am so extremely lucky that I have these to remember him by. Grandpa was and extraordinary man who will never be forgotten." 

Grandpa- 

I love you will all of my heart. You have been truly an amazing grandpa to me, to my children and to my family. I will never forget the way you loved me, the sound of your voice when we talked or how you always asked how the kids were or about Wayne's fishing. I will never forget the sweet way you hugged me or your sly sense of humor. I will always remember how much you truly loved grandma, your family. I will always remember how happy you looked when you were surrounded by your grand and great grandkids. And grandpa, I will never forget the last time I got to spend time with you, you really did look happy. That smile of yours, that will be forever be etched in my mind.

Thank you grandpa for the wonderful memories. You will never, ever be forgotten. I love you Grandpa!! Always and forever! 

Kristin