A little harder than I thought...

I always knew that my Fisher was special.

He has always been the quiet one. The one who doesn't mind what the events of the day will bring. He is easy going. He loves to read, color and do puzzles. He doesn't care if he is playing by himself. It doesn't bother him if his little brother is getting more attention than he is. Fisher is happy.

I always knew that he was special, but that still didn't prepare me for the outcome of his visit up at The University of Utah Department of Health.

Fisher is a little over two and isn't talking. Not one word. Although he does surprise us once in a blue moon with a repeat of a word we have said, it's nothing consistent and definitely not communication. We began working with a state program in hopes of getting Fisher to start talking. They suggested to us that we have Fisher evaluated because of some of the tendencies he has. Things we never knew were strange. That's when we headed to the U of U. We were first asked to meet with a developmental pediatrician. We met Dr. Winter, who both Wayne and I thought was wonderful. She evaluated Fisher and began discussing with us some of Fisher's unusual characteristics. It was a relief to us when she informed us that Fisher spinning his toys is not an autistic characteristic. It's a sensory characteristic. She also told us that Fisher getting excited and flapping his hands isn't really a autistic characteristic. It's a typical behavior in small children. But, Fisher doesn't talk, he doesn't point, and if he doesn't know you he wont make eye contact with you, he will look at you out of the corner of his eyes. Because of those things, we were asked to see a psychologist.

We met with Dr. Natalie Roth on February 11, 2010. She was sweet, quiet and great with Fisher. For the two hours we were there she just watched him. She gave him a puzzle that she said was a little advanced for two and three year olds and Fisher figured it out in less then a minute. This didn't surprise us. Fisher has always been good at puzzles. In fact we started getting him harder puzzles so he would at least have a challenge. I am glad we met with Dr. Roth. She informed us of many of Fisher's characteristics as being a little out of the ordinary. What we thought of as independence is really Fisher putting objects as more important than people. He uses people as a tool to get what he wants rather than using them as an interaction or social purpose. He doesn't care if he is playing with other people, he just wants to keep figuring things out on his own. It opened my eyes for sure!

Even though we always knew that Fisher had some sort of social disability, I still wasn't prepared when Dr. Roth told us that Fisher possibly has Autistic Spectrum Disorder or PDD. I mean, we have always questioned it, but to actually hear it brought on a lot of emotions for me. I don't know many families with autistic children. No one in my family, even cousins, have an autistic child. It just hit me and I didn't know what to do.

I cried. I love my son so much and I want the best for him. I want him to know that he is loved, to have friends, to go to college, to get married. I am so longing for the days when my son tells me he loves me and actually means it! I can't wait to share with my family and friends the funny things Fisher says. I don't know when that will happen and I am scared.

Thanks to the wonderful people up at the U, they where able to get us some information on ABA and speech therapy classes for Fisher. They tell us the sooner we get him into these programs the better chances for him to be able to go to a public school, make friends and eventually go on to college with no problems. If only it where that easy! The waiting list are insanely long! All I can do right now is pray and trust in our Heavenly Father. I know that someday Fisher will talk. Someday he will call me "Mommy".

Fisher is an amazing little boy. He melts my heart every day. He loves to cuddle with me. He loves to laugh with me. He is evening beginning to love his little brother more. I know that Fisher will do amazing things. I know this. But it's just going to be a little harder than I thought.